Hatred

What the fuck does this mean:

Read by the Apostolic Nuncio to the US, Archbishop Pietro Sambi, Pope Benedict expressed his gratitude for the youths commitment to life.

Who isn't committed to life?

Dead people. That's who.

The Pope hates dead people.

And given that about 90% of the world's population over all time is now dead, that's a pretty big group of people to be hating.

And he doesn't just confine his hating to dead people either:

In his address upon receiving the "Mysterium Vitae" Grand Prix Award, Australian Cardinal Pell said: "Pope Benedict XVI, in his message for the 2008 World Day of Peace reminds us that the earth is the home of the human family, entrusted to men and women to be protected and cultivated with responsible freedom for today and tomorrow. He also points out, however, that respecting the environment does not mean considering material or animal nature more important than the human person."

So we can add to this list, Aliens and animals.

And in light of this image:

I dunno if you wanna go round hating on Aliens. They're out there. And they're coming.

And if the Pope hates dead people then the Pope hates this dude:

And that's just fucking awkward.

Benny on teaching

Parishioners who model Christ are most effective teachers is the headline of the article from the Catholic News and in it Benny cries out for more people to "be like Jesus". As these people make the best teachers.

Consider this:

How easy is it to write on the blackboard when your hands are nailed to a piece of wood? Clearly Benny hasn't thought this one through.

"Whoever teaches the faith cannot risk appearing like a sort of clown who just performs a role for one's job," said Benny in the same weekly address on October 24. But here's something else to consider:

Quite humorous actually isn't he? Studies have suggested that humour is a good way to teach people. What's more likely to make you laugh?

This:

Or this: ?

I say hilarious undersized car every time.

In other Benny related shenanigans, the Daily Telegraph writes that Benny has said that Religion should not be used for hate. Strong words Benny, strong words.

"In a world wounded by conflicts, where violence is committed in God's name, it is important to repeat that religion should not be a vehicle of hatred," said the pope to an audience of Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, Jews and Zoroastrians.

"Bad religion is a very powerful tool for bad people to use against each other, because it carries with it some of that absolutism that is rooted in a rather insecure kind of faith."

What's interesting here, is how one uses Bad Religion as a tool against each other. Formed in 1980, Bad Religion are considered one of the foremost punk bands of our generation.

Benny was in Naples making this speech, in an area racked with racketeering. Where the Camorra run the show and violence is a way of life. However they are not all bad. Citizens of Napoli had commemorated the passing of Pope John Paul II by spray painting "DEATH TO THE POPE" shortly before Benny's arrival.

BENNY THREATENED BY NASTY MUZZIES

Today 138 leading scholars who just happen to be Muslims, wrote Benny a letter threatening the world would be fucked if Christians didn't learn to get along with Muslims.

The Times reported this and used this photo to accentuate the story. This photo is of Benny with the President for Religious Affairs of Turkey, Ali Bardakoglu.

This in itself: not that interesting except that right now, Turkey is at odds with just about everyone. The Turkish Ambassador has been recalled from the United States because the USA has recognised the Armenian Genocide as being just that. Genocide.

That'll learn them.

Back to the letter.

In a rambly piece that often fractures off into religious gobble-dee-gook, the Muslims lay down what they think needs to happen for the world to just-get-along. To aid their cause they cite pieces of the Qu'ran that are similar to the Old Testament (or it's lesser sequel, the New Testament).
But what they don't say is that nowhere in the Old (or New) Testament does it say that all non-Muslims must die. Which we know is really what the Qu'ran says to do.

The sneaky little towel-wearers even are insidiously trying to put one of their own in the White House.

What Benny must do is stand up to this sort of rubbish and do everything possible, to ensure that they don't get above their station in life.

Which is the Middle East.

Just a quickie

More evidence of Benny's incidious plan to take over the world was shown today by popular interweb site Boing Boing when it reported on Benny's new starring role in '24'.

That's right, the Kiefer Sutherland, right-wing, we'll do anything to protect our country, I love Bush Fox Broadcast.

Awful.

POPE IN ALLEGED ASSAULT

POPE ATTACKS IRAN AT WORLD JEWISH CONGRESS screams the headline of this Times Article.

Quite what Iran and the Pope were doing at the World Jewish Congress is beyond us at Benny Watch, as neither the Pope, nor Iran fit the criteria necessary to attend the World Jewish Congress (these being: hating Jesus, hating pig but liking little hats).

The article goes on to say that Benny told leaders of the World Jewish Congress that Iran was “an issue of big concern” to him."

Maram Stern, secretary general of the World Jewish Congress, said after the audience: “We thanked the Holy Father for everything he did for the Jewish people, and more importantly what he will do.”

Speaking to journalists in Rome, he said the Pope had “recognised the question of Iran as an issue of big concern for him.”

Firstly, why has the World Jewish Organisation thanked Benny for everything he did for the Jewish people? Just what in their imaginary world has Benny actually done for the Jews? Ham is still consumed, prices remain low and Jews are still beaten.

And secondly, "recognised the question of Iran" sounds similar in rhetoric to the "Jewish question"

Oh is that anti-semitic?

Speaking of rhetoric, what it appears specifically that Benny was talking out against was the raging Anti-Israel sentiment expressed by everyone's favourite enemy-du-jour President Ahmadinejad all through his term as President.


But in most situations such as these, bluster and rhetoric are only fuelled by response, thus serving to bring the speaker out to the mainstream and give credibility to his otherwise nutjob views.

Having said all that, Ahmadinejad does dress appallingly.

Benny sure does love some pussy!

Because Benny is concerned that we don't know enough about him (particularly Benny the child) he's gone and released an authorised biography reports Yahoo News.

But this isn't just any biography, oh no no no, this is written by Chico.

The cat.

The book, authored by the cat, is arrogantly titled "Joseph and Chico" and details the Pope's upbringing in Bavaria through to his election as Pope Benny in 2005.

Of course the book doesn't answer the obvious question, how does a cat write? It lacks the opposable thumbs to hold a pen, and it certainly couldn't have dictated. Cat's don't speak English.

But there are other more worrying aspects to this book, the Daily Telegraph notes that Benny hasn't actually seen Chico for two years, suggesting that Chico may in fact be an unreliable narrator. That and the Pope was born in 1927, the oldest cat on record was 36 years old. Well short of the Pope's 80 years on Earth. How can the Cat possibly know all there is to know about Benny?

The book is introduced by Father Georg Gänswein, Benedict’s private secretary, who wrote that: “Here, dear children, you will find a different sort of biography, because it is told by a cat, and it does not happen every day that a cat considers the Holy Father to be his friend.”

So Chico doesn't consider the Pope to be his friend every day? Is there trouble in paradise? Sadly, Georg doesn't elaborate.

Despite these misgivings, Chico doesn't shy away from the controversial stuff. Of Benny's time in the "military" he writes: "At that time, Joseph was forced to do something which was absolutely against his will: join the army and leave for the war. We cats do not make war."

But sometimes Cats do declare war, there's filmed evidence of it. Meaning if we can't trust this section, what can we trust? For instance, the paragraph that says “There was a time just before Christmas when Joseph noticed that the teddy bear he wanted had vanished from the shop window. 'Where is my teddy bear - I want it!’, shrieked Joseph, stomping his feet in front of the window" is supposed to have come from when Benny was 6, how we not know he wasn't 74 when this happened?

All in all, I feel that Chico has betrayed Benny's trust in releasing this "tell-all" book. But being the good Catholic that he is, I'm sure Benny will forgive him.

Pope a Traitor. And Retarded.

Back in the 1980s, that pesky little rascal Iran, was considered not so pesky and so the US was selling them weapons.

Naughty you might think. Well it got naughtier, using the profits made from selling weapons to Iran, the US would then fund the Contras in Nicaragua in their fight against the Communist Sandinista Government.

Now all this may feel like a history lesson but I'm going somewhere with it.

As we all know, and have known for over 50 years now, Communists are the worst form of people. Ever. And currently Nicaragua is lead by a Sandinista - Daniel Ortega.

So it comes with a great deal with sadness that Benny Watch reports that Benny has come out in support of Nicaragua, he has congratulated them on making abortion illegal and especially for standing up to pressure from the U.N over the abortion issue.

Well done Nicaragua. You are officially retardo-nation of the week. Making abortion illegal doesn't prevent it's occurrence, it just takes it from the medical community and into the back alleys. If you want to see what a homemade abortion kit looks like, click here.

There is a paragraph from the above linked article which Benny watch feels compelled to print,

"The pope also referred to the Nicaraguan parliament's decision to reauthorize the country's law that prohibits all abortions, including those for rape and incest or to save the life of the mother.
"It should be considered very positive that last year the National Assembly approved the revocation of therapeutic abortion," he said."

There is no joke there folks. Just an awful taste in the mouth.

Ireland next after in line to die! Secularism and money combine to bring down the Emerald Isles!

Today, Benny welcomed the new Irish envoy to the Vatican See. But rather than a traditional New Zealand welcome that would have involved a bit of singing and dancing this welcome came with a dire warning.

"Ireland, you're fucked" said Benny. "Your economy has been going too well, and we all know what happens when your economy goes too well. Secularism. And Secularism is the AIDS of the Church. With less gay."

Benny was referring of course to the very famous "Corrialis Effect" chart:

Whilst this is a very disturbing graph and one the Vatican should be addressing straight away, it is sadly an example of Cum hoc, ergo propter hoc . There is another chart which quite clearly explains the fall of religosity:

It is a country's level of retardation that the Vatican must be addressing. Somehow the Vatican must tap into a method of re-retarding up the world. Go back to before the Enlightenment and show them the path to true Enlightenment is with mistruths and imaginary friends.

Austria, the land of Dingoes and Koalas

As reported in last week's Benny Watch, the Pope has just returned from Austria, a nation he says he is particularly keen on as it borders his own country. I'm fairly certain India and Pakistan feel the same way.

I think the question on everyone's lips is though, "Did he really go to Austria?"

Whilst at APEC in Australia earlier this month, George W. Bush made the comment that he had gone to visit Austrian troops in Iraq. As there are no Austrian troops in Iraq, one can only assume that as the speech was made to Australians, in Australia, that it was about Australians troops. This leads me to my next point, did Benny really go to Austria? Or did he go to Australia. Benny Watch has found a photo purporting to be from Benny's trip to Austria, but if we investigate this image carefully, we can see traces of evidence that it was in fact in Australia.


It does beg the question though, why would Benny lie to us? What has he got to hide about travelling to Australia?

At this stage, Benny Watch is unsure, but what we are sure of is we are on the trail of solving this mystery...

European Apocalypse

Pope Benedict has come out recently and said that abortion threatens the future of Europe.

Whilst praying at a Holocaust Memorial, Benny warned that Europe may extinguish herself in numbers and in spirit if it embraces abortion and rejects Christianity which he said "profoundly shaped the continent."

Despite choosing a bizarre time to make such a claim (Jewish abortion rates not being high, they can't afford to turn on themselves) and ignoring such things as continental drift and fact Benny seems to believe that Christianity was an integral part in the formation of Europe.

Aside from being a history revisionist, Benny seems misguided as to how the fall of Europe will occur.

Or, perhaps he does know, perhaps he is speaking in code, for his timetabling of this speech cannot be a coincidence. Since he was at a Holocaust memorial, when he said "Abortion" was going to be the downfall, perhaps by Abortion he meant Jews. Everyone knows of the Vatican's history of non-Christian behaviour towards the Jews and Benny himself is noted as having been part of one or two clubs that frowned upon our semitic brothers.

In his speech, Benny said other bizarre things “The other need is to do everything possible to make European countries once again open to welcoming children." This is of course in reference to the rampant child hostility throughout Europe. Whilst people complain about Koreans eating dogs, that's nothing to compared to the European tendency of eating children (Verses 6:25-30).

I think if there is one message ultimately that can be gleaned from all this, it's that Benny is asking the ladies to open their legs.