Benny sure does love some pussy!

Because Benny is concerned that we don't know enough about him (particularly Benny the child) he's gone and released an authorised biography reports Yahoo News.

But this isn't just any biography, oh no no no, this is written by Chico.

The cat.

The book, authored by the cat, is arrogantly titled "Joseph and Chico" and details the Pope's upbringing in Bavaria through to his election as Pope Benny in 2005.

Of course the book doesn't answer the obvious question, how does a cat write? It lacks the opposable thumbs to hold a pen, and it certainly couldn't have dictated. Cat's don't speak English.

But there are other more worrying aspects to this book, the Daily Telegraph notes that Benny hasn't actually seen Chico for two years, suggesting that Chico may in fact be an unreliable narrator. That and the Pope was born in 1927, the oldest cat on record was 36 years old. Well short of the Pope's 80 years on Earth. How can the Cat possibly know all there is to know about Benny?

The book is introduced by Father Georg Gänswein, Benedict’s private secretary, who wrote that: “Here, dear children, you will find a different sort of biography, because it is told by a cat, and it does not happen every day that a cat considers the Holy Father to be his friend.”

So Chico doesn't consider the Pope to be his friend every day? Is there trouble in paradise? Sadly, Georg doesn't elaborate.

Despite these misgivings, Chico doesn't shy away from the controversial stuff. Of Benny's time in the "military" he writes: "At that time, Joseph was forced to do something which was absolutely against his will: join the army and leave for the war. We cats do not make war."

But sometimes Cats do declare war, there's filmed evidence of it. Meaning if we can't trust this section, what can we trust? For instance, the paragraph that says “There was a time just before Christmas when Joseph noticed that the teddy bear he wanted had vanished from the shop window. 'Where is my teddy bear - I want it!’, shrieked Joseph, stomping his feet in front of the window" is supposed to have come from when Benny was 6, how we not know he wasn't 74 when this happened?

All in all, I feel that Chico has betrayed Benny's trust in releasing this "tell-all" book. But being the good Catholic that he is, I'm sure Benny will forgive him.